Who are you? Who do others say you are? What’s the truth about who you are? What’s your self-declaration?
It might be easier if I start with me. Who am I? I am Yolandé Conradie. There you have it. And there isn’t much to it. Or is there?
Please Join Us!
What: #MTtalk
Where: Twitter
When: November 19, 1 p.m. ET (6 p.m. GMT; 11.30 p.m. IST)
Topic: I Am… Words of Self-Declaration
Host: @Mind_Tools
Words of Self-Declaration
I am Yolande. I am Yolande Meiring (maiden name), but I am also Yolande Conradie (married name) and I was also Yolande van Heerden at one time (previous marriage).
Each of these declarations of identity contains different images, has different connotations and denotes a different stage of my life. Yet they’re all me, all part of me and they all announce part of my identity.
I am a white, South African, Afrikaner woman. This might sound simple, but it isn’t. Obviously, if I am South African, white and was born and raised on the African continent, it means that I am of colonial ancestry, and mine is mostly German and Dutch. I grew up in the apartheid era and, as an Afrikaner, in a deeply patriarchal culture with strong religious beliefs.
My words of identity tell full and rich stories, all playing out against a backdrop of family, culture, tradition, rites, rituals, power, authority, and taken for granted beliefs and ideas.
Words of Belief
In the delicious and painful process of becoming an adult, we cultivate beliefs about ourselves. We are also given the baggage, or the gift, of what others believe about us.
My mother will say I am her youngest child. To tell you the truth (and I cringe to say it), she still refers to me as her “baby.” My sister, senior to me by almost six years, will tell you I am a brat! I have to confess: it is true that, as a cheeky pigtailed 10-year old, I did refuse to leave the lounge when her boyfriend visited. I stuck to that sofa like I was glued to it. They had to offer me a generous bribe to buy my departure!
My grade one teacher used to call me a “ray of sunshine.” My neighbor will tell you I am the person who phones him if I hear or see something out of the ordinary at his house. Some of my students will tell you that I’m strict and my boundaries are clear. Others will add that I’m like a mother to them — fair, always willing to help and listen — but I take no nonsense. And my “gift children” (I don’t like the word “stepchildren”) will agree.
I am a rebel. I often question beliefs and ideas that others take for granted. I have challenged patriarchal and religious authority since I was very young — it didn’t win me any prizes for popularity — and once I was even described as “a disgrace to my parents” (thankfully, not by my parents).
Once, after I’d not done very well in a test, one of the exasperated adults in my life said, “You’ll never amount to anything! You’ll end up selling sugar one day!” To this day I don’t know why selling sugar is so bad! Don’t we all crave the stuff? Sounds like good business to me! However, I understood what they meant, and it hurt. It meant that one day I might not be good enough.
When, in my late twenties, I read this quote by U.S. politician and speaker Les Brown, I had an “A-ha!” moment: “Don’t let someone else’s opinion of you become your reality.”
I realized that I didn’t have to accept others’ beliefs about me as my truth — I could cultivate and speak my own words of belief.
So, who am I?
- I am friendly and helpful.
- I am strict and loving.
- I am a rebel (and OK with that).
- I choose not to believe that I am a disgrace to my parents.
- And to the person who told me I will sell sugar one day, I say I am good enough.
Words of Creation
Words have power, and our words define our worlds. There are many layers, meanings, subtexts, and implied ideas in the words we say, especially in what we say about ourselves.
How can the words “I am” be words of creation? If our words have power, it means we have a responsibility to be mindful of our words. We must think of the selves we are creating.
Here are some examples of “I am” as words of creation:
“I am a truth-teller.” This person will create a space to speak the truth and will also speak truth to power.
“I am a bridge-builder.” A bridge-builder will endeavor to create understanding between people, rather than spread misunderstanding, discrimination and prejudice.
“I am a difference-maker.” The person who sets out to make a difference will find ways to improve circumstances, to educate, and to bring about positive change.
Unfortunately, the opposite is also true. The person who proudly proclaims “I am a hell raiser” will do exactly that, and create space for discord. There are many such examples, but I choose not to focus on them because we want to use our words to make a positive difference. I am… a person who creates safe spaces.
I Am… Words of Self-Declaration
Our #MTtalk Twitter chat this week will explore different ways we use the words “I am.”
In our Twitter poll, we wanted to know why people use the words “I am.” 20 percent of participants use it to berate themselves, while 40 percent use it to declare their intent. To see all the options and results, please click here.
We’d love you to participate in the chat, and the following questions may spark some thoughts in preparation for it:
- Why is it important that we’re mindful of our words of self-declaration?
- How do we create our own stories by using words of self-declaration?
- Which words of self-declaration aren’t helpful to you at the moment?
- “I am” are also words of belief. What is your strongest belief about yourself?
- How could you proactively use “I am” declarations to change your mindset?
- How do you make visible your words of self-declaration?
- What effects on a person do negative words of self-declaration have?
- How might you shift any negative words of self-declaration into positive ones?
Useful Resources
To help you prepare for the chat, we’ve compiled a list of resources for you to browse. (Please note, some resources will only be accessible in full to members of the Mind Tools Club or Corporate members.)
Positive Thinking, Thought Awareness, and Rational Thinking
Dweck’s Fixed and Growth Mindsets
How to Join Our #MTtalk
Follow us on Twitter to make sure you don’t miss out on any of the action this Friday! We’ll be tweeting out 10 questions during our hour-long chat. To participate in the chat, type #MTtalk in the Twitter search function. Then, click on “Latest” and you’ll be able to follow the live chat feed. You can join the chat by using the hashtag #MTtalk in your responses.
The post “I Am… ” Words of Self-Declaration — Join Our #MTtalk! appeared first on Mind Tools Blog.
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