Please join us!
What: #MTtalk
Where: Twitter
When: October 22, @1 p.m. ET (5 p.m. GMT / 10:30 p.m. IST)
Topic: New Shoots From Old – Your Stories of Growth After Cuts and Setbacks
Host: @Mind_Tools
About This Week’s Chat
“There is no such thing as a linear life.”
― Brittany Burgunder, American writer
The first mental picture I get when I think of pruning and growth is a garden; the second is about relationships.
In both those instances, when we are managing the process, the expected outcome is growth. (I call this “intentional pruning.”) However, there are other examples of pruning where we are not managing the process, and the result then is usually a setback. (I call this an “involuntary pruning.”)
Two memorable, involuntary prunings happened to me when I was a commuting college freshman: being fired and becoming homeless. These events were unrelated but occurred within days of each other in early spring.
An Involuntary Pruning
My first job while a college freshman was as an administrative aide doing research and retrieval work in a small campus office. By my second semester in this position, I was very familiar with the office “work cycle.”
I had a great relationship with my immediate supervisor, but not so much with our department head. It was clear that she didn’t like that a “student” learned how to use the new database system faster than she did and she often sought ways to remind me of my place.
I can’t recall the supposed “infractions” I committed, but my department head eventually found ways to give me two strikes. Due to my comfort with computers, my initiative, and my general curiosity, I naturally wanted to complete more of the work cycle independently. The problem was that I wasn’t authorized to do one of the intermediate steps, although my processing was correct. Subsequently, the department head fired me.
Growing After Setbacks
This pruning was the first (and only) time I have experienced an “involuntary separation” from a job that wasn’t related to corporate downsizing. I was utterly devastated and felt like this setback would haunt me for a long time. But it didn’t.
I quickly found other part-time jobs, and it soon became a blip on the radar. I learned that, although showing initiative in the workplace is a positive attribute, your colleagues may not always appreciate it. I also learned resilience, and how to “stay in my lane” at work.
Losing My Home
Several days after this episode, my parents informed me that we had to pack our belongings for storage because we were being “pruned” from our home: they didn’t give me details, but I understood that we were about to become homeless.
One of my parents left to move in with a relative living two counties away. The other parent, my two siblings, and I slept in various places over the next few months. On a few good nights we stayed in a hotel or motel room. Other times, we slept in a 2-seater car, or on seats at the rail station’s 24-hour, open waiting area. I felt embarrassed and more than a bit helpless.
That summer, I managed to find a temporary full-time office job. Before it got too hot, a gracious family we knew allowed us to stay in their basement for about three and a half months, until my parent secured an apartment for us.
That setback affected me more than I can explain. It instilled a new level of awareness, humility, compassion, and empathy for those who are homeless. While transient, I saw some myths dispelled and learned about degrees of homelessness. I am thankful that my family didn’t experience a worse level of homelessness. I learned that all homeless people don’t look the same, live on the streets, or stay in shelters. Every homeless person has a story.
Why We Prune
In gardening, we do the pruning to enable more robust plants, encourage a better harvest, and chose the direction of our growth. We make the cuts and see the direction of our progress.
In our own lives, when someone else does the pruning, it can catch us unprepared: it disrupts our plans and the path we thought we were on. The initial shock can cause finger-pointing and invite feelings of resentment or anger. Choosing to remain in that state can blind us to an opportunity for growth.
After a setback, it’s more than fair to allow ourselves a short “grieving” period to regroup. If you’re going through this and find that you’re in a vulnerable state, try asking yourself: did any of my actions contribute to this? What can I do with this newly available space or time, and what did this experience teach me about myself or someone else?
New Shoots From Old
During this week’s #MTtalk Twitter chat we’ll be talking about growth that resulted from setbacks – the new shoots that emerged.
In our Twitter poll this week, we wanted to know which area of your life most needs prunning. More than 40 percent of participants voted that their temper needed pruning, while almost 30 percent felt their spending needed pruning. To see all the options and results, please click here.
We’d love you to participate in the chat, and the following questions may spark some thoughts in preparation for it:
• Are cuts and setbacks necessary, yes or no? Why?
• What does it feel like to be “involuntarily” pruned?
• Which cut or setback have you found exceptionally difficult to deal with?
• What skills have you developed because of dealing with setbacks?
• What opportunities have opened to you because of a setback?
• How do you feel when you are intentionally pruning something in your life?
• How might you help someone who is struggling after a setback / pruning?
Resources
To help you prepare for the chat, we’ve compiled a list of resources for you to browse.
Dweck’s Fixed and Growth Mindsets
How to Join
Follow us on Twitter to make sure you don’t miss out on any of the action this Friday! We’ll be tweeting out 10 questions during our hour-long chat. To participate in the chat, type #MTtalk in the Twitter search function. Then, click on “Latest” and you’ll be able to follow the live chat feed. You can join the chat by using the hashtag #MTtalk in your responses.
The post New Shoots From Old: Growth After Cuts and Setbacks – Join Our #MTTALK appeared first on Mind Tools Blog.
0 Commentaires