I'm so comfortable with certain types of uncertainty that I barely recognize them as "uncertainty." For instance, it never fazes me when I get lost. I know I will find the way and reach my destination before I fall off the end of the earth. I also look at it as unintentionally exploring unknown places.
My husband, on the other hand, HATES (yes, in capital letters) getting lost. He finds the uncertainty of not knowing exactly where he is distressing. And the two of us in one car when we get lost? Picture one very cool cucumber and one red hot chili pepper having an interesting "discussion" about direction. Less said, less mended, so I'll stop there.
I'm less comfortable with other types of uncertainty. In fact, any kind of relationship or financial uncertainty makes me feel like a steamroller is running me over and flattening me into the ground, face down. (You can probably tell that's not a great starting position if you intend to fight or flee.)
It wasn't always like that. In the period during and after my divorce, I experienced much uncertainty about everything in my life: relationships (even friendships), finances, where I would live, and how I'd get through the day without dying of heartache.
It almost feels as if I had used up most of my coping-with-uncertainty reserves for life. As soon as I sense relationship or financial uncertainty on my radar, all the warning lights and alarms in my head and heart start beeping, clanging, and flashing: It must be avoided at all costs!
Please Join Us!
What: #MTtalk
Where: Twitter
When: February 3 @ 1 p.m. ET (6 p.m. GMT / 11:30 p.m. IST)
Topic: How Damaging Is Long-Term Uncertainty?
Host: @Mind_Tools
Life doesn't work like that, of course. We don't get to choose what we next want to feel uncertain about, because we don't control the whole world and everything in it. None of us chose COVID, right? Yet we had to cope with and live through all the uncertainty that it had unceremoniously dumped in our laps.
Looking back, many of us can't say exactly how we coped from day to day, just as I can't tell you how I got through my divorce – yet, we did. It changed who and how we are, though. It might have left some of us over-sensitized to certain types of change, emotionally dysregulated, jumpy in certain situations, or hesitant to take any kind of risk.
It also taught us how to move forward one step at a time, that we must dig deep to find courage when we feel we have none left, and how to hold space for others experiencing the trauma of major uncertainty.
“To survive and flourish in such a world, you will need a lot of mental flexibility and great reserves of emotional balance. You will have to repeatedly let go of some of what you know best, and feel at home with the unknown.”
― Yuval Noah Harari, 21 Lessons for the 21st Century
A Tidal Wave of Uncertainty
Mind Tools coach Mike Barzacchini says, in the past, uncertainty like an unexpected job loss, a health crisis, or a tragic accident hit him like a tidal wave. "When the wave hits, I may react, often out of self-preservation, but eventually, I have to move from reaction to action, even if that action starts as thoughtful contemplation. I've learned that I don’t have to be one hundred percent certain, but if I can begin to take even the smallest steps to understand, solve, and move forward, uncertainty begins to ebb. When uncertainty hits, even the smallest piece of driftwood may allow an opportunity to find a handhold and ultimately a flow to a more certain, stable state."
The Trauma of Long-Term Uncertainty
This is how Mind Tools coach, Sonia Harris, describes what long-term uncertainty did to her: "Benjamin Franklin once said, "In this world, nothing is certain except death and taxes." I agree. Years ago, as a second-semester college freshman, the uncertainty (my family and) I faced after involuntary homelessness was stressful.
"The uncertainty I experienced caused anxiety and worrying. Would I miss an important piece of mail? Would anyone steal our property while we were sleeping in a public space? Would anyone break into our vehicle when we were away at work or school? Do I have enough essentials until we make another trip to the storage unit?
"When I think back to that year, the trauma has blocked some of my memory: some things I remember vividly while others are a blur or blank. The trauma still lingers in other ways, and I notice it when deciding to discard old things. I recognize that it takes me a little longer than the simplified, popular 'keep, discard, or donate' process."
To Operate or Not to Operate?
Mind Tools coach, Sarah Harvey, has been waiting for a minor operation which has been booked and canceled three times over a 5-month period, all for reasons outside her control.
"Although a minor procedure, the recovery time requires two weeks of recuperation, including minimal standing and walking, and no driving. Inevitably this restricts my life and work for two weeks post-op.
During those 5 months, my frustration built and built, but not about the canceled procedure. It was the uncertainty caused by the inability to plan that was the issue. Not knowing when I may need to clear my diary for two weeks became surprisingly disconcerting. It was unsettling. Making decisions became more challenging. It was always there in the back of my mind. I constantly worried about letting people down. In the end, I decided not to go ahead with the operation."
Dealing With Uncertainty, One Baby Step at a Time
Mind Tools coach, Zala Bricelj, says that the words "uncertainty" and "life-changing" go together.
"I have recently become a mother. The road to motherhood was long and winding with many unexpected turns. When we had almost given up, this little rainbow child came into our life: our little bundle of joy, happiness, and excitement. And with her, came many feelings of uncertainty.
"They say that "with love comes big responsibility." I can attest to it. As much as I care deeply for my child and feel like there is a piece of my heart walking around the world now, I also feel a great deal of fear, anxiety, and uncertainty. There's the anxiety that I think every mom feels about their child: are they going to be safe, healthy and have a good life? But, at times, I feel a gut-wrenching and overpowering uncertainty related to knowing there is a human being that relies on us and needs our protection, guidance, love, and support no matter what happens.
"I slowly and mindfully started accepting that I'd be living with long-term uncertainty from the moment I looked into my daughter's eyes. I'm prepared to accept and embrace all the emotions this uncertainty brings and take one "baby step" at a time. It means that I must consciously be in touch with my emotions, calm the rollercoaster in my head and heart, lean on my partner and loved ones for support and often gently whisper to myself 'You are exactly what this kiddo needs!'"
About This Week's Chat
Uncertainty will always be with us to some degree. Author Mandy Hale said, “Life isn’t meant to be lived perfectly…but merely to be lived. Boldly, wildly, beautifully, uncertainly, imperfectly, magically lived.” What a great reminder that I shouldn't strive to live life perfectly, because that's impossible. I should rather strive to live my best, beautiful, uncertain life!
In our upcoming #MTtalk Twitter chat, we will be discussing living with uncertainty and how long-term uncertainty can change you. We will also share tips to cope with uncertainty. Come and join this safe discussion space to share your thoughts and experience!
In our Twitter poll this week, we wanted to know how you tend to react when you're faced with a major life event that causes a lot of uncertainty. Most participants said they control what they can, but over a third say they worry constantly when faced with uncertainty. See all the options and results here.
We'd love you to participate in the chat, and the following questions may spark some thoughts in preparation for it:
- What's the difference between indecision and uncertainty?
- What are the possible emotional and mental effects of prolonged uncertainty?
- What are some examples of the physical impact such uncertainty can have?
- Have you experienced prolonged uncertainty? What was the situation?
- How has living through uncertainty changed you?
- What are your best tips to help others cope with uncertainty?
Long-Term Uncertainty Resources
To help you prepare for the chat, we've compiled a list of resources for you to browse. (Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.)
6 Ways to Support Employees' Mental Health Video
Understanding Your Locus of Control
How to Join
Follow us on Twitter to make sure you don’t miss out on any of the action this Friday! We’ll be tweeting out 10 questions during our hour-long chat. To participate in the chat, type #MTtalk in the Twitter search function. Then, click on "Latest" and you’ll be able to follow the live chat feed. You can join the chat by using the hashtag #MTtalk in your responses.
The post How Damaging Is Long-Term Uncertainty? – Join Our #MTtalk! appeared first on Mind Tools.
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