Some endings are a long time in the making. Others are a bolt from the blue, untimely and unexpected. We're not always prepared, even for the ones we see coming. Yet, sometimes, we do find ourselves prepared for unexpected ones.
Endings can be contradictory: they signal the ending of one thing but can mark the beginning of another. They fill us with dread or excitement, or both. Sometimes, we feel relief and it's easy to let go of an era, a place, or a job. At other times we want to dig in our heels and cling to something for just a little longer.
Please Join Us!
What: #MTtalk
Where: Twitter
When: December 16, 1 p.m. ET (6 p.m. GMT; 11:30 p.m. IST)
Topic: Endings
Host: @Mind_Tools
"Beginnings and endings are simply part of a journey that isn't stopped by either."
Craig D. Lounsbrough (U.S. author and counselor)
We knew months before my dad's passing that he was terminally ill and didn't have long to live. But, even though we had time to prepare for the inevitable, his death left an empty space and severed a bond.
An ending is never just one thing. Endings are about attachment and fulfilled or unfulfilled expectations. They take away one thing and allow us to see another. They're full of uncertainty, yet also bring opportunity. And they cause us to run the gamut of emotions: grief, sadness, relief, excitement, resignation – it depends on the type of ending.
Endings Can Lead to a New Way of Being
The ending of my dad's life forced me to accept a new way of being, a life without my dad on this earth. There would be no more "silent conversations" – no longer just the two of us sitting in the lounge, both lost in our thoughts and being content with that.
It was also the end of him getting lost three streets from home (he had no sense of direction!), and the end of our in-jokes about my mom and her compulsive need to make all of us eat three square meals a day at the dining table under her watchful eye!
We marked the end of Dad's life with a ceremony that celebrated his life and mourned his passing.
And, suddenly, there were voids everywhere, bits of empty space scattered all over the house. His bedside table was no longer home to his water carafe and Bible. His empty reading chair under the window. After we cleared out his closet, the door closed with a sad, hollow echo.
Vacant seconds and moments were strung throughout the day like beads on a string, slivers of time that would have been filled with bits of him, his routine, and his habits. "It's three o'clock," he'd say, "isn't it time for coffee?" And then three o'clock was just that: a number on the clock that came between two and four.
An Ending, and a Beginning
But voids don't like being voids and always become occupied again. Or maybe we don't like voids, and fill them to experience comfort and familiarity: "I've been here, I've done this, I know how it works, it's 'normal' and safe."
But, despite the morsel of familiarity it provides, filling the voids of an ending reminds me of how my new school shoes felt at the start of the year: squeaky and comfortably uncomfortable. It took time for my shoes, my feet, my gait, and the road I walked home to become comfortable and familiar.
Dad's empty bedside table, lonely reading chair, and unfinished books didn't remain like that either. They now hold the things and habits and routines of my stepdad, who respectfully navigated the voids and now fills them in a way that is unique to him. An ending, and a beginning.
Rest and Reflect
Our switchover to a new Mind Tools website last month also marked the end of an era. One of the features of the old site that we weren't able to carry over was the members' forum.
It was the space where we had conversations about things that happened at work and in our lives. Sometimes, people needed coaching, or a shoulder to cry on, or simply a non-judgmental space to vent.
We're grateful for all the wonderful conversations we had with our members. At the same time, we feel a bit sad and lost without our beloved forum, but we're excited about the Coaching Hub, a fantastic new feature that will be added in the new year.
At the end of a year, we also look back. We might mourn what we leave behind but, hopefully, we allow ourselves time to rest and reflect so that we use our energy to only carry things that will serve us well into the new year.
Situations change, they end, and new things begin. Although we celebrate change, it's normal to feel sad about endings, ambivalent about change, and experience that knot-in-the-stomach excitement about new beginnings.
Endings Are Sunsets... and Sunrises
An ending is never just one thing. Endings are mourning and celebration, vulnerability and courage.
They are morning and evening, winter and spring.
Sometimes they are happiness and sadness intertwined, uncertainty and opportunity woven together.
Endings are sunsets - and sunrises too.
In our upcoming #MTtalk twitter chat we're going to talk about endings, how they affect us and how to support ourselves and others. Come and join this safe discussion space to share your thoughts and experiences.
In our Twitter poll this week, we wanted to know what thoughts or feelings you instinctively associate with the word "endings." More than half of the participants associate it with a feeling of relief, while only seven percent thought of fear or uncertainty. To see all the options and results, please click here.
We'd love you to participate in the chat, and the following questions may spark some thoughts in preparation for it:
- In your experience, what do you fear about endings?
- What factors make it necessary to end something?
- What can happen when we fail to end something in time?
- How do you know it's the right time to bring things to an end?
- How have endings created new opportunities in your career and life?
- What do you do to acknowledge, mark or celebrate an ending?
Useful Resources for Our Discussion on Endings
To help you prepare for the chat, we've compiled a list of resources for you to browse. (Note: you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.)
The Road to Resilience Infographic
Managing Post-Traumatic Growth
How to Participate in Our #MTtalk
Follow us on Twitter to make sure you don’t miss out on any of the action this Friday! We'll be tweeting out 10 questions during our hour-long chat. To participate, type #MTtalk in the Twitter search function. Then, click on "Latest" and you'll be able to follow the live chat feed. You can join the chat by using the hashtag #MTtalk in your responses.
The post Endings: What They Mean to You and How to Manage Them – Join Our #MTtalk appeared first on Mind Tools.
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