War just a country away from mine, gun violence in the U.S., and the turbulent post-pandemic times we all face have challenged my limits. Writing this blog post, I’ve never felt more tested by this simple word: forgiveness.
These times have made me wonder and reflect on what role forgiveness plays in our lives, relations, teams, and work. We’ve all sat at both sides of that table – as a person who forgives, and as one who’s being forgiven. It’s not easy or pleasant being in either position.
It can tie into painful memories, shame, anger, regret, and the feeling of being lied to, exploited even, or not being good enough.
Please join us!
What: #MTtalk
Where: Twitter
When: June 17 @1 p.m. ET (5 p.m. GMT / 10:30 p.m. IST)
Topic: Forgiveness at Work (Wait… WHAT?)
Host: @Mind_Tools
And if it feels like the scars and wounds are still too raw and recent, it might be unthinkable to forgive a person, a team, or a community. It raises valid questions like:
- Does every person deserve to be forgiven?
- Is forgiveness necessary to let go and move on, without emotional distress holding you back?
- Are there exceptions – instances where forgiveness is impossible?
- Is forgiveness the only way to set boundaries in your life and come to terms with the past?
- Forgiveness… a two-way street or not?
The Power of Forgiveness
The power of forgiveness lies in the benefits of releasing the emotions, resentment and vengeance a person is holding on to. No matter if the recipient deserves it or not.
It does not apply only to personal experiences but can also play an important role in restoring workplace relationships, and can help to create better-connected teams.
Here are some other questions to ponder. Is practicing forgiveness at work a strategy that can improve workplace dynamics? Can it restore harmony and help resolve issues of anger or resentment; can it counter the counter-productivity that is created?
“Forgiveness is not weak. It takes courage to face and overcome powerful emotions.”
Desmond Tutu, South African clergyman and activist
Enabling the practice of forgiveness in the workplace positively affects and displays the company’s core values. As much as the act of forgiveness is a personal, intimate act, it should equally be applied in a business environment.
Fostering a culture of forgiveness at the organizational level leads to establishing agreed responses to interpersonal offenses or perceived harm and wrongdoing in the workplace.
But Sometimes Things Are Just Unsustainable
Efficient, valued employees need means and opportunities to resolve conflicts and practice compassion. Working in diverse teams, having short deadlines, and feeling pressured to achieve targets, the workplace can get stressful.
When tensions are high, if there’s no resolve to tackle this, things can turn for the worse. It can affect productivity to the extent that it dissolves a team and eventually affects the bottom line.
I know: I’ve experienced it myself. Do what you love and love what you do – until it becomes unsustainable. It took me a long time to process and mourn the loss of a great team and a job I loved: to accept the past and move on. Forgiveness was far from my mind.
It did come later when I became more experienced. When I’d led teams myself and identified and reconciled all the anger and sadness that I didn’t shoulder at that time.
Forgiveness Points the Way to Peace of Mind
When it came to the great job that I loved and lost, I forgave but I didn’t forget. If my path ever crosses my former team leader, I know that I’ll feel free of the burden of our past experiences. But I’ll never trust this person again. The bonds, the connection, and the team spirit were broken, and therefore cannot be restored.
It all led me to a realization that forgiveness is not a two-way process. It can be an intimate process: a sort of inventory of the past, and a search for ways of dealing with the whole package. Dealing with the person, the situation, and especially emotions that you’ve not shouldered yet.
When your emotions are not processed, they lead to similar situations – pain and anger that you pass along to the next team, next job, your family, and friends. It’s a loss that keeps on lingering until you release it.
Consider the words of filmmaker Paul Boese: “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”
Forgiveness does not change what happened. It does not take away the pain or correct the hurtful events that happened.
But it does offer a way to acknowledge our feelings and reactions, understand the actions of the other person, and forgive them (for our peace of mind). Forgiveness for others is as much forgiveness for ourselves.
Forgiveness Is Going Global
We’re allowed to start with a clean slate, deciding for ourselves if our forgiveness fosters a further relationship with the person who hurt us or not. It’s a process: lifelong learning that makes us stronger, more agile, and more resilient.
It opens up future possibilities – how we act, how we respond to difficult situations and protect ourselves and our boundaries. And that’s important for our wellbeing and mental health.
July 7 is Global Forgiveness Day. It’s a great opportunity to lead by example. Let us give ourselves permission to show what empathy, care and forgiveness can achieve when we mindfully engage in the process. Let us be an example to others with our journeys to forgiveness.
About This Week’s Chat
In our upcoming #MTtalk Twitter chat, we’ll be discussing forgiveness – what it is and what it isn’t. Come and join this safe discussion space!
In our Twitter poll this week, we wanted to know how you’d describe the act of forgiving someone who caused you intense hurt. To see all the options and results, please click here.
We’d love you to participate in the chat, and the following questions may spark some thoughts in preparation for it:
- Forgiveness has religious connotations. Why bother with it if you have no such beliefs?
- Repeatedly forgiving people who hurt you is a sign of weakness – yes or no?
- If you forgive a person, must you trust them again? Why?
- In your opinion, which brand/business mistakes or workplace misdemeanors are unforgivable?
- What role does forgiveness play in a healthy team?
- How do you move forward without being forgiven?
“Forgiveness” Resources
To help you prepare for the chat, we’ve compiled a list of resources for you to browse. (Please note that you’ll need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.)
Williams’ 12 Strategies for Controlling Aggression
Why Being a Generous Leader Can Make You a Great Leader
Resolving Workplace Conflict Through Mediation
How to Take Part in #MTtalk
Follow us on Twitter to make sure that you don’t miss out on any of the debate this Friday. We’ll be tweeting out 10 questions in our hour-long chat.
To participate in the chat, type #MTtalk in the Twitter search function. Then click on “Latest” and you’ll be able to follow the live chat feed. You can join the chat by using the hashtag #MTtalk in your responses.
The post Forgiveness at Work (Wait… WHAT?!) – Join Our #MTtalk appeared first on Mind Tools Blog.
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